September 9
Wow this place is pretty! It's bigger than I thought and it's not in the mountains at all! I mean they're nearby and we went there yesterday. It was very scary! Thomas was driving thank god because we were literally on the side of a mountain! He's from here so I guess it's no big deal to him but I kept checking my seatbelt and holding on to what he called the Oh Shit bar thingy because there was nothing keeping us on the side of a mountain!!!
I'm glad I came out though. Jenna and I have had some good talks and I've realized what a baby I am. I mean there are homeless people everywhere here! And if the worst thing I have going on is having to decide between two people who love me I'm doing pretty good. It still sucks but I guess it could suck a whole lot more. That should make me feel better and it sort of does but it doesn't really change anything.
I just wish I had a sign to tell me what to do. I'm imaging the craziest things. Like going back and proposing to both and seeing who says yes. But it's not very romantic and I don't have the guts and what if they both said yes?!?! Maybe I'll do it anyway. All I really need in my life is some more drama right? Ha ha ha I'm so funny!
Or maybe I'll just stay here and not go back. I could get a job here and the people seem nice. It snows here but it does that at home then too there. Or I could go to New York or LA. I'm still young and these are supposed to be my fun years. But I'm not really brave enough for that so these are just silly.
Really what I've figured out is that I have no idea what I want out of life. But maybe I'm not supposed to know.
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