November 4
Wow. I had a lot of anger. Not that I didn't deserve to be angry. But wow.
Kim never apologized, but then she never does. And I'm glad that I wrote all of those things instead of saying them to her. It didn't really make me feel better, but I needed to get it all out. And I think I meant all of it too. She's not a very good friend or much fun to be around anymore. I guess I just grew out of it. We moved into this place in May and things aren't awful here. But when the lease is up it might be time for Elwood and me to get a place of our own.
Mike did apologize though. And the nice thing was that he didn't make excuses. He just said that he was sorry and that he shouldn't have continued to flirt with her and "keep the game going." I know he'd been drinking and that it's fun to flirt with Kiim, but I like that he never mentioned drinking as a reason. He just apologized without me having to say I was mad or why.
I like that very much.
View the original pages here.
November 3
Parts of old insecure me are trying tocome back. I'm trying so hard to be happy. Not try, just be! Lots of things to be happy about. But it's harder than it looks.
Our party was fun. It always is. Lots of people came I hadn't seen in a while and everybody seemed to have a good time. Especially Kim and Mike.
I am so mad I feel like breaking something. I've taken deep breaths and a couple of breaks from trying to write. I keep think about Julie telling me to write it down and not bottle it up. So I'm trying.
I hate Kim. She's an awful friend who treats other people like they aren't important. I may not look like her but being the most beautiful person in the room doesn't give you the permission to treat people like shit. No one likes the person who's always trying to be the center of attention.
She hit on him. Right in front of me like I was invisible. Or maybe just to show me that she could hit on him. And he flirted back.
You know what? Kim I'm still 30 pounds lighter and 3 dress sizes smaller.
You couldn't fit in the cheerleadering outfit remember? It's all well to be tall and blonde and pretty with big boobs but you have nothing interesting to say and you make yourself feel better by latching onto your friends lives.
So I work at a bank. So what? At least people like to talk to me. I can make conversation Kim. I can talk to anybody and make friends everywhere. And without sticking out my chest. And yeah I've batted my eyelashes and used charm to my advantage but I've also got a brain. I may be a brown eyed brown haired girl like everyone else but I'm cute. You know what cute is Kim? Forever. You know what blonde and pretty turns into? Old and wrinkled with white hair.
You're a bitch and a bad friend.
And Mike I just expected more from you. I was wrong. You didn't try to stop her or ignore you. Beautiful woman flirting with you, I get it. But she's my best friend asshole. Aren't there some things off limits?
You deserve each other. You're both bad friends.
Fuck you both.
View the original pages here.
October 30
Halloween is my favorite holiday. I love fall and dressing up and roasting pumpkin seeds and little kids in silly outfits. It's always fun when you work at a bank. It also means Kim and I throw our huge party and this year wasn't any different except we're in the NEW house! I decided to dress as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader because Halloween is also an excuse to dress slutty and not have anyone judge you. Kim was Uma Thurman from Pulp Fiction and we even have figured out how to get a fake syringe to stick out of her chest! I can't wait to see what Mike does because he won't tell me what he's coming to the party as. It better be good now that's hyped it up I told him.
View the original pages here.
October 4
I survived another wedding. I have become a walking cliche as all my college friends and the few from high school get married. I really do have a lot of great friends but have decided I can never get married. Who would be my bridesmaids? I've been in five weddings and I'll bet there's some rule about having to ask the people who have asked you.
The difference about being a bridesmaid this time around was that for once I wasn't the single one who needed to be set up with the out of town cousin! Which really is pretty rude. I don't think any single person wants to be pointed out and displayed. And since all married people were once single people it never made sense to me. Why not having a boyfriend meant someone could set you up with their dentist.
Anyway I'm sure everyone was relieved to find out that I'm back in the game or whatever.
It's funny being the bridesmaid when you know all your sorority sisters expected to have already come to your wedding. I think everyone just assumed since we'd dated all through college that we'd end up married or something. Guess I'm glad he never asked because I probably would have said yes and that wouldn't have made either of us happy.
Five years is a long time to spend with somebody and it's only been a year and a half or so we've been apart. I can't believe how much different I am. I guess part of it's Mike but a lot of it's me. I got so used to being with Justin that I didn't know how to be without Justin. I don't want to be like that again. So I'm not gonna.
View the original pages here.
September 17
It's Kim's birthday so we are going out and she's finally going to meet Mike!
I hope they like each other okay. I've heard horror stories from some of the girls at the bank about dating guys their best friends can't stand. God I hope that doesn't happen.
View the original pages here.
