Entry 13: Read October 12

August 10

At some point I'm going to have to have sex with him. Not that I don't want to. I do. A lot. This is my new thing to freak out over. I am an idiot. I know this. But this is all I can think about.

Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex

I haven't had any in a long time. I've never been good at random hookups and even though I'm a big fan of Sex and the City I can't live my life that way. I've never been so nervous. Not as an adult this nervous. But Mike is so great and I cannot wait but at the same time I am terrified.

Everything is awesome and what if sex is awful? This is the best guy I have ever dated and we work really well together and have fun and great conversation and I know I'm freaking out about a maybe but I can't really talk about this with anyone.

We've been on enough dates by now that there's going to come a time when I'm supposed to invite him in or to stay the night and when the day comes I'm going to panic.

What am I going to do?

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Entry 12: Read October 11

August 6

Mike is probably the nicest guy I have ever dated!! We've been on 4 dates now and each one is fun or romantic and to a place I've never been before. He's a great kisser!

Last night he took me to a really interesting movie that I'm not quite sure I understood. I know girls are supposed to like wine and French films or something but sometimes I think he's smarter than I am and wonder why he want to date me. Stupid and insecure, shut up! Ack.

He's fun and a good kisser and he likes me and I hate that I keep trying to talk myself out of it. I guess I'm afraid I'll screw it up.

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Entry 11: Read October 10

July 24

It didn't matter what I wore but I'm glad I paniked about that and not the date or I probably wouldn't have had any fun.

And I did have fun. Lots of it and I can't wait to see him again! He took me to kind of a fancyish place I'd never heard of and don't even know how to describe. He knows about wine and what to drink with what and the food was so good! I didn't know what to order so I just told him to make sure it was good. He ordered like six little plates and oh I've never eaten such good stuff! I have no idea what we talked about but all of a sudden it was like 5 hours later and we totally were those people who are sitting there while the restaurant's trying to close and I felt bad so I made him leave and he took me home and we kept talking in the car and then he kissed me!!!!!

Wow did he kiss me! Nobody's kissed me like that in, um, a long time! And no one's kept me up after 2am in a long time. He had to get up early too but he wants to see me again!

I can't wait.

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Entry 10: Read October 9

July 19

I made the mistake of telling Kim that I had a date. I mean you go to your absolute hottest friend when you want to look your hottest right? No. Totally wrong. She wants to dress me up like a Barbie Doll. This is great for her because she already looks like a Barbie doll!! I don't know who I look like but I can't think of anyone famous or perfect. And I don't want to look like a doll or a stupidly skinny celebraty. I want to look like me!

She dragged me into Forever 21 and other stores full of sparkly shit. I think I thought I always wanted to be one of the girls who shopped there or looked like they stepped right out of a fashion spread but I really don't. I'm not going to a club or a movie premier or the scary planet Barbie, I'm going to dinner! I just felt cheap and probably looked it too. The horrible polyester crap that clings everywhere and sticked itself to every lump and rides up in all the wrong places!

One of the girls I work with suggested I look through the pile of magazines I'm addicted to and get ideas that way. So here's what I want and don't want.

All this time freaking out over the outfit means I haven't had time to freak out over the actual date. There's still time for that.



Kim looks like this.
Even without trying.
Barbie doll.

She seems to think I look like this.

And that I should wear this on my date with Mike.

I'd rather look like this but with boobs.

And will probably wear something like this but with less boobs.

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Entry 9: Read October 8

BEST DAY EVER!

So I was at work and I'm meeting with a new customer. My desk phone is ringing but I'm ignoring because I'm with a new customer. I have a desk now. How cool/wierd is that? It keeps ringing so I pushed this button that sends everybody to voicemail. I really like that button.

Anyways, I'm finally able to finish up and I'm saying goodbye and I look over and there's Mike! Yes, yes, yes that Mike. He'd been waiting for me for like 30 minutes or something and other people kept trying to call me to tell me I had a visitor. I've never had a guy I met once come to my work before! All the girls I work with were super jealous and excited for me too. My boss let me leave early and Nike and I went and had coffee. It even felt like a real date!

It's so exciting. I feel like jumping around in one of those bouncy things they have at carnivals and little kids birthday parties. He said he came to see me because "calling on the phone seemed like an impersonal way to ask you out." WOW. Nice, cute, smart, and has manners! I don't think I'm super shy, but I'm more reserved than a lot of my friends. I kinda like to take it all in and listen to other people and I HATE being the center of attention. Not today though. I started talking and could not shut up! It was really great. Things have been super awesome lately. When it rains it pours or whatever the cliche is.

Sigh. Seriously. Best Day Ever! We have a date-date scheduled too. I think I'm going to need to go shopping because I want to look amazing!

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