Entry 74: Read January 25

July 5 Again

I don't like being forced to make decisions.

Ultimatums only work in real life if you've watched one too many movies or are actually afraid of what might happen if you don't follow the orders.

Jake wants me to stop talking to Mike. I guess it started because of all the confusion at the wedding but it was only made worse by the 4th of July crap.

He's right to be angry. I shouldn't have gone. But when the ex-love of your life calls you needing help are you just supposed to pretend that you don't care? That it doesn't matter? It had disaster written all over it but Mike called WASTED and alone and in need of a ride. He couldn't find his keys so he couldn't get in the house and I do still have a spare.

Nothing happened! But I'm not sure I convinced Jake of that and considering my track record I can't really blame him. I didn't tell him the whole truth about what was said. I learned my lesson last time with telling people the truth to make myself feel better.

It was one of the strangest moments of my life. One minute I'm helping a 30 year old drunk man into his house and the next he's professing his undying love to me. And he was pretty drunk. So normally I would know better than to believe it until he said, "I want you to come back. I've been trying to get you to come back. I still love you. Don't you know that?"

I put him to bed and got out of there fast. I went back to the party and my now very pissed off boyfriend. I tried to explain myself. I tried to forget what was said. I thought maybe I was thinking too much. Until I called Mike this morning now very hungover to repeat what he had said last night.

I add this plus what my mom said yesterday and I get trouble. Love plus love equals trouble. And then Jake's ultimatum tossed into that mix could make for disaster.

He asked me to cut off my friendship with Mike. He said things were getting pretty serious with us and he didn't want anything to come between that. He said he wanted a serious committment from me.

They both want to marry me.

My head is spinning.

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