Entry 73: Read January 24

July 5

Worst holiday ever. I was attempting not to dwell in the past. I just wanted to BBQ and play with illegal fireworks and have a hot dog like you're supposed to. In case they missed it, I know it's been a year since Mike and I split up. Believe me, I know. But I didn't want to live in the past and mope. It's really tiring being sad or angry all the time and I just want to enjoy my life.

I know it wasn't on purpose. My mom called around noon just to check up on me and "make sure you're okay." I told her I was and what all we had planned for the day. I guess that wasn't the answer she was looking for because she launched into this speech about how it's okay to be sad and angry at myself and I just need to give myself time and not rush into things and I really should called Mike and she talked to him the other day and blah.

Wait! One at a time! She's the one who got mad at me when I cried all the time. She told my Dad to pay for therapy. And she did what???

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CALLED MIKE? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Apparently they've been talking. Apparently she can't mind her own damn business. I feel kinda violated like my private life isn't mine anymore. I mean, there's a part of me that knows she just wanted to help and she thought she was doing good. I know it wasn't meant to be hurtful but I feel so disrespected. It'd be one thing if they talked and caught up and the end. That'd be wierd but less wierd. But to have my mom call and say "Talked to Mike. He misses you. You should call him." Well that's just icky. And it only got wierder and ickyier from there.

Jake and I got in a fight and now he's here to meet up and talk so I'll have to finish this later.

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