Entry 22: Read October 25

November 3

Parts of old insecure me are trying tocome back. I'm trying so hard to be happy. Not try, just be! Lots of things to be happy about. But it's harder than it looks.

Our party was fun. It always is. Lots of people came I hadn't seen in a while and everybody seemed to have a good time. Especially Kim and Mike.

I am so mad I feel like breaking something. I've taken deep breaths and a couple of breaks from trying to write. I keep think about Julie telling me to write it down and not bottle it up. So I'm trying.

I hate Kim. She's an awful friend who treats other people like they aren't important. I may not look like her but being the most beautiful person in the room doesn't give you the permission to treat people like shit. No one likes the person who's always trying to be the center of attention.

She hit on him. Right in front of me like I was invisible. Or maybe just to show me that she could hit on him. And he flirted back.

You know what? Kim I'm still 30 pounds lighter and 3 dress sizes smaller.

You couldn't fit in the cheerleadering outfit remember? It's all well to be tall and blonde and pretty with big boobs but you have nothing interesting to say and you make yourself feel better by latching onto your friends lives.

So I work at a bank. So what? At least people like to talk to me. I can make conversation Kim. I can talk to anybody and make friends everywhere. And without sticking out my chest. And yeah I've batted my eyelashes and used charm to my advantage but I've also got a brain. I may be a brown eyed brown haired girl like everyone else but I'm cute. You know what cute is Kim? Forever. You know what blonde and pretty turns into? Old and wrinkled with white hair.

You're a bitch and a bad friend.

And Mike I just expected more from you. I was wrong. You didn't try to stop her or ignore you. Beautiful woman flirting with you, I get it. But she's my best friend asshole. Aren't there some things off limits?

You deserve each other. You're both bad friends.

Fuck you both.

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