December 26
Last year's Christmas was spent unpacking and combining households and stuff. So this year we made up for it!
I haven't had a Christmas tree in years. I forgot how good they smell! It's the rotten thing about having divorced parents. When you split time between Mom and Dad neither one are all that good at keeping any kind of tradition or anything. I probably spent more holidays at friends houses than at home.
Mike showed me what you look for when you buy a Christmas tree and how to tell if they're dried out and stuff. We made a small dinner and watched Tivo. I love Tivo. And then came the presents and that's when the fight started.
He got me a necklace from Tiffany's. not a ridiculous one but a simple silver one. It was pretty and simple. And it was in that blue box and bag with the Tiffany stamp and it was perfect for me. And I said "Oh it's too much!" And then he said "There could be more where that came from," and it just sort of went from there. What started as a wonderful holiday about new memories and stuff turned into Christmas with my parents in the mid-nineties. He's very frustrated with me and I get that but I can't change overnight. I'm so much better with him than I've ever been before. But I am still guarded and unsure and insecure and not ready for little blue boxes from Tiffany's.
This morning I reached out but Mike was already gone. I panicked and thought he was gone. Am I crazy? People don't just disappear from their own houses! He's been gone for at least a half hour now.
I feel so alone.
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