Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Entry 36: Read November 14


August 10

I decided to tell Mike what had happened. He was not happy with me. "People who love each other don't keep secrets like that." I get it that he didn't want me to feel like I had to go it alone but I did.

Because Mike would have been excited.

So I spent a week waiting to bleed, praying for cramps, peeing on sticks and proving to myself that I'm stronger than I realize. At least I learned that. I am stronger than I realize. I also realize that I'm not really in this relationship the way Mike is. He wants the next thing with the house and the wife and the kids and the whole damn thing.

If I had been pregnant he would have seen it as a sign or something that it's time to make that next bold move.

Well I believe in signs too. And the sign that hung over my head when I looked in the mirror and knew I wasn't about to be someone's mother said,

NO.


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