July 30
I am only writing this down because I want to remember exactly how I feel at this exact moment. I want to remember the tightness in my chest and I imagine this is what having a heart attack feels like. But I'm not having a heart attack. I wish I was having a heart attack. Dear God please kill me with a heart attack.
I believe that curiousity killed the cat. I really do. I also think waiting must have killed something else. Maybe the tiger. They're hunters right. Shit, they're still cats.
I have to keep it together. I want to remember how I feel at this moment. I feel sad and alone and my chest hurts and I must tell someone what has happened and what is going on and how I feel. How do I feel? I want to remember the chest pain and the waiting and the fact that later I'll feel the hangover and the sad will still be there.
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